If you ever think your life is bad just remember that when my sister was born my mum threw up on her
She knows
She’s still pissed off at me and blame all of you
(via pizza)
a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
(via pizza)
can i tell my math teacher i’m atheist and can’t solve exponential functions due to the fact that i don’t believe in higher powers or
this is probably the funniest thing i’ve ever said or will ever say
this is my time to shine
#i said this to my math teacher #and i forgot i went to catholic school #i got in a lot of trouble omg
(via pregers)
- (I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
- Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
- (The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
- Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
- Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
- Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
- Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
- (The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
- Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
